Jokes of the Week

Hope your week is going well. I had to post these this week in honor of Valentine's Day. Don't worry guys-you know we love you! Enjoy!

Dictionary for women

• Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
• Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
• Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he "made the dinner."
• Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
• Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.
• Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
• Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
• Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
• Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase (preferably shoes).
• Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
• Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."
• Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus...breathe...push..."
• Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."
• Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
• Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. Jim calls out to his golfing partner in an agitated voice, "Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here." Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out, "What's the matter Jim?" Jim shouts back, "Throw me my 7-iron! You can't get out of here with an 8-iron."