Jokes of the Week

Hello! Sorry this is a day late but I'm still recuperating from the flu which I picked up somewhere in California. All I can say is at least it didn't show up until AFTER we got back from our trip to Disneyland. It's been a loooong and miserable 4 days. Today was my first day back to work and let's just say it was not a day I'd like to repeat anytime soon. A few changes occured while I was gone for only a week. They took away my supervisor and gave me a different one. They took away the key code for the elevators and made it a card swipe. (Good thing I remembered to bring mine to work.) They even have a new "leave slip" which I had to search for so I could fill it out and give it to my supervisor. Oy! Hopefully I will survive the next two work days. I have my sights on 2 days of rest this weekend. We'll see if I make.






A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself. She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring. Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying, "A little more to the left...a little more to the right!..."

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola, and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the hole. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road. “I can’t stand this,” said the man, tossing the can into a trash container and headed down the road toward the men. “Hold it, hold it,” he said to the men. “Can you tell me what’s going on here with this digging?” “Well, we work for the government,” one of the men said. “But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You’re not accomplishing anything. Aren’t you wasting the taxpayers’ money?” “You don’t understand, mister,” one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. “Normally there’s three of us: me, Rodney, and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree, and Mike here puts the dirt back. Now just because Rodney’s sick, that don’t mean that Mike and me can’t work.”

Things you don't want to hear during surgery:

• Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.
• "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness!"
• Spot! Spot! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
• Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
• Hand me that...uh...that...uh.....thingie.
• Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
• Darn, there go the lights again...
• "You know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of them."
• Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
• Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.
• Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
• This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
• Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donor card?
• Don't worry; I think it's sharp enough.
• She's gonna blow! Everyone take cover!!!
• Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
• FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out of here!